Friday, July 29, 2011
A different girl, a different blog.
Hello (if anyone's still reading this..)!
First off, I want to say sorry for breaking my promise to post every week. It's been about a year since I posted that, and I haven't updated my blog ONCE since then... I feel kinda guilty.
However, I do not regret my decision to take a break from blogging. (Well, it wasn't really a decision, more just something that happened. Decision sounds too formal, like I meant to stop blogging. I didn't mean to do that.)
But there are some things I do regret. I started this blog back in 2009, almost exactly two years ago. I was 11 then, and very different. I was going through a pathetic little phase I like to call my 'conformist phase'. I wanted to be just like my friends and I wanted people to accept me and I wanted to wear the expensive name-brand clothes that meant you were 'cool'. All I wanted to listen to was pop, I would check the iTunes list of the top 25 recently most-bought songs and choose my music off of there. That and The Beatles was pretty much all I listened to.
Pathetic, I know. Forgive me, I was 11. Remember when YOU were eleven. Now I don't look so bad, eh?
I'll be going back through all my previous posts and filtering out the painfully embarrassing stuff. It's something I've been meaning to do for a while, but unfortunately I lost my password to my Blogger account. I just found it today, a lucky guess and I was in. You can believe I wrote it down as quickly as I possibly could.
It's been a year since I last posted, and I'm quite different now.
Last time I posted, I was 12 ( though I would turn 13 in a couple months), and nearly all the way out of my 'conformist phase'. I actually don't remember that time very well.
It's summer vacation, but I'll be going back to school in around 20 days. I am really, really dreading it. I'll be going into eighth grade. Last year of middle school, hurrah. I hate most of the people at my school. It runs on a monarchy of popularity, with a couple kings and queens and their friends at the top. Then there are their followers. I'll call them 'wannabes'. They probably all have shrines to the kings and queens in their closets. Another good nickname for them would be 'pathetic'.
Another category of people at the school would be the 'weirdos'. Some of them keep to themselves and are tolerable, but others flaunt their gruesome strangeness in a way that makes everyone except their own kind hate them.
Yet another category is (ugh, forgive me for the cliche) the 'class clowns'. They generally make fools of themselves to amuse other people or gain attention. Usually, they are not funny in the least bit, just a painful annoyance. But there is a small, small handful of genuinely funny 'class clowns', and they are quite fun to have in class.
There are little 'wolfpacks', groups of friends that stay with each other only, and are never seen without at least one fellow 'packie'. I don't mind them, because they never bother me.
There are some people that I don't really have a name for, they're just people that everyone seems to like. My friend Mary falls into that category. She's like an anthropomorphic concentration of sunshine and sweetness. I cannot remember one time where she has not been smiling.
There are 'nerds' (again, so sorry for the cliche), who kinda fall into two sub-categories: intelligent, possibly dorky kids who get good grades and answer the teacher's questions in class; or the really dorky kids who wear homemade Pokemon t-shirts and only talk about their online gaming lives. I feel so bad for the people that fall into the second sub-category.
Then there are people like me and my close friends, we don't really fall into a category, we're just kind of there and we don't really care about popularity status or what anyone thinks of us. Except my friend Nicole, she has the lowest self-esteem of anyone I've ever met, and is constantly worrying about what people think of her. This is ridiculous, considering she has model-worthy looks, artistic skill beyond comprehension, is good at every sport she tries, and somehow manages to get straight A's even with her jam-packed schedule. She is amazing.
Ah, that reminds me! I should write a bit about my friends.
The twins, Natalie and Nicole: I mentioned Nicole just a second ago, but I haven't said anything about her twin sister Natalie. Nat is wonderful. She's a tiny little thing, but what she lacks in height and meat, she makes up for in personality. WOW does that girl have personality. First of all, she does not care AT ALL about anything anyone thinks of her. The day after Halloween, she wore her costume to school, parading about the halls with no shame. She was an elf, with a tree skirt as a cape, sparkles on her face, her dirty-blond hair in a fountain-like ponytail atop her head, and a spectacular outfit completely red and green, with touches of gold and white. Me and Nicole still tease her about it, I've even adopted a nickname for her: little elf. She is very pretty, her most distinctive feature being her large brown eyes, reminiscent of a deer"s, but without the emptiness behind a deer's stare. You can tell there's a lot going on behind her eyes. She is almost never seen without her nose deep in a book. She's very smart, but doesn't really care what grades she gets in school. I guess she has better things to worry about (like whether or not she's met her toy-making goal in time for Christmas.. heh heh :D). She is an accomplished photographer, a 13-year-old taking photos that I often mistake for being taken by a professional photographer. She is very opinionated, sometimes spouting out ideas of hers that leave me laughing while she retaliates with, "What??? It's true!!!!!!" She is a kind and loyal friend, with a fiery spirit.
Goodness me, I wrote a lot more about Nat than I intended to.. I guess I'll just have to write some more about Nicole to even things out :) Anyway, there's just so much to say...
Nicole: Oh, Nicole. I'm pretty sure she's not completely human. She's some kind of species that has been genetically enhanced to be amazing at frickin' everything. I mean, first of all, she's beautiful. The brightest green eyes I've ever seen, with eyelashes so long and dark she doesn't even have to wear mascara to make them look perfect. Her face is perfect, it looks like it's been pulled from a beauty magazine. She is one of the best artists I have ever seen, she's capable of drawing something so realistically it could be mistaken for a photo. And she's so creative! One of the things I really envy about her is how good she is at sports. Try as I might, I am pathetically inept at all sports. Nicole, on the other hand, is the fastest track runner in our entire grade, plays basketball exceptionally well, and just seems to be good at any sport she tries. She's also very smart, she does all schoolwork (especially if it's art-related) above and beyond expectations, and gets straight A's on everything. She is so nice, and so fun to be around, and so interesting, but has the lowest self-esteem of anyone I've ever met. She CANNOT accept a compliment, and is always talking about how bad she thinks she is at something, or how ugly she thinks she is, or is comparing herself to other people. It's insane. All our friends (including me) keep trying to drill into her head how amazing she is, but she just won't hear any of it.
Shannon: Me and Shannon's creepy similarities have brought us to be very close friends, even though we just met winter of this year. And when I say 'creepy', I don't just mean that it's weird how similar we are. I also mean we're creepy :D Shannon is my goth friend. But not in a stereotypical, weird goth way. She just prefers her clothes in a color palette of blacks and grays, listens to screamo or metal-rock music, and reads creepy supernatural books. She's really lovely, she has beautiful thick brown hair that hangs down to her lower back, and a radiant face: porcelain skin and piercing light blue eyes. She appreciates and humors my sadistic (deriving pleasure from inflicting pain on others) tendencies, and we frequently joke about my 'collection' - an accumulation of dead bodies (victims) that I keep in my basement. (READ! In case this is being monitored, don't worry, I do not really kill people and there are no dead bodies in my basement, or any other part of my house.) Shannon is an amazing artist, she has so much talent and creativity it blows my mind. We actually became friends because I complimented her on a doodle of Mario she was doing in Algebra class (instead of listening to our retard teacher), so she gave it to me. And the friendship just grew from there :D We're movie buddies, we've been to... Heck! I don't even know how many movies we've seen together! I'll have to count the ticket stubs, we both keep them all. She's very intelligent, and I think she likes that about herself. We both get kinda depressed sometimes, and count on each other to cheer one another up and keep each other sane.
Sabrina: My little noodle :D I don't remember how she got that nickname, but I guess it stuck! She's angelic, inside and out. A charming face with elegant Asian features, and shiny black hair that looks effortlessly perfect every day. Her kind, humble personality just makes me feel happy to be around her, and she has a way of making me smile even when I'm feeling my worst. Sabrina is also very artistic (I have a lot of artistic friends, 'birds of a feather', you know?), she's capable of drawing both very realistic-looking things, or very cute, sweet little doodles. She's my shopping buddy, we both LOVE to shop and try on clothes, so we have a lot of fun meandering about the mall and picking up cute clothes for each other. Sabrina loves classic things; movies, shows, people, fashion, etc. She sees the value in doing little things, like picking up small gifts for friends when she goes on vacation, or taking some time to stop outside Tiffany & Co. for breakfast, just for the special feeling. She's a phenomenal singer, I truly believe she could be in showbusiness if she wants to be. She's also very very smart, she's in the 'gifted' program with me at school. It's so nice to be around her, she's such a genuine, wonderful person. We all joke that she couldn't be mean if she tried, not that she ever would :)
Oh dear god. I wrote so much about them.
I'll probably do another post some other time about my other friends, the ones not in my grade.
Just realized I've written a whole lot about my friends, and a bit about the old me, but nothing about who I currently am. I guess I should do that.
I am kind of nerdy, but in an intellectual way. I'm also a big, big fan of the Harry Potter series, so I guess that could kinda be counted as nerdy. I'm tall, about 5'7"-5'8", and skinny, except for my disproportionately large thighs. It's probably muscle, but it just looks like flab. I've got a high metabolism, otherwise I would probably be 200 pounds, considering I eat so much. My favorite food is meat. I know too much of it isn't healthy, but I honestly don't really care. I'm quite artistic, it's kind of my only hobby. My favorite drawing media is probably pencil, but I also like charcoal. I'm a perfectionist, so drawing in ink is pretty hard because you can't change it if you make a little mistake. I've got mild OCD, but it doesn't usually get in the way of life. I get a lot of compulsions and I am very stubborn and picky about what goes where in my room, and I need things to be very even and organized otherwise I go crazy. I play bass in my school orchestra, and I have a lot of natural ability on the instrument, but I feel very guilty because I never practice. I wouldn't call myself a procrastinator, but my parents sure would. It's not that I try to put things off as long as I can, it's just that I have priorities in my mind and I get them done in the order I want to get them done, and sometimes the things I need to do don't get done as quickly as they should because I do the things I want to do first. It's a bad habit.
Things I like: Music. I. Love. Music. I mostly gravitate towards indie, alt., and alt. rock. My favorite bands are Vampire Weekend, the Arctic Monkeys, Florence & the Machine, and the White Stripes. Also, I like fashion. Yeah, yeah, stereotypical girl, I know. I really like vintage style, but my closet has a little bit of everything in it: punk-ish black ripped up jeans, dainty floral dresses, military-style double-breasted button jackets, plain t-shirts, and lots of stripes. I don't know why, but I love stripes. Also florals. I think my two favorite things in my wardrobe are my black combat boots, and my gray jacket. It has deep pockets and double-breasted buttons, and it's comfy and kind of roomy, but still looks fashionable.
I think I'm really ugly. People are always saying how pretty a heart-shaped face and almond-shaped eyes are, but I think they would change their minds if they saw me. I do kind of like my eyes, they're a nice green color with a ring of caramel-brown around the pupil, and my eyelashes are quite long and pretty-looking when I wear mascara. I also like my hair, it's long and curly and light brown, but it's kind of frizzy most of the time. The rest of my face I wouldn't mind to change. But maybe if I didn't have such terrible acne I wouldn't hate my face so much.
Captions for the pictures above:
Center: Me, on my trampoline, about 10 months ago.
Right: A charcoal drawing I did (inspiration and overall idea taken from a Deviantart image)
Left: A unicorn I made from bits of red cheese wax.
I was gonna go back through this post and re-read it to make sure I'd written everything correctly and was satisfied with the final product, but I really don't feel like doing that... I'll do it some other time! I think I'm just gonna post it now... why am I so nervous??? It's not like anyone is gonna read this.
Well, here goes nothin'...
*UPDATE* Went shopping yesterday, I'll take some pics of my new clothes and upload them later today.
*DOUBLE UPDATE* I think I'm just gonna go through and delete all of my previous posts. I've read through them all, squeezed out all the sentimentality left in them, and I think now I'm ready to get rid of them for good.